Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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