I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
