He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
