Your dad touched me again.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
