I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
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