About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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