sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
