my phone needs a breathalizer
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
