seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
