My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
