i already hear my dad disowning me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
