Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
