we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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