I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
