Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I need to align my fucking chakras
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