I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
