you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize