I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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