He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sext me about skeletons
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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