He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Randomize
