I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
