You're so nebulous sometimes
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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