you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
