"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
