she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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