i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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