there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
