i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
