i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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