I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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