Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
