My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
