Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
