So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
