There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
