and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
