the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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