And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize