There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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