The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
