My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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