Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
