I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
