You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She's the barista slut.
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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