look no pants
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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