I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
