I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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