today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
