There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
