this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
