I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
