A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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