My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
