I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
