WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
