Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
