just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
can u get pink eye on your cock?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
