How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
