turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
